Cedar is working, if you can call it that running a 72' foot yacht down in Charleston this week and will return soon. So to keep this blog moving I'll fill in for Cedar with a witty story.
They say the key to a healthy relationship is listening to your partner. Never has this been made so starkly evident as in the sad but hilarious story of JD and EM, which is currently burning up the Internet.
While JD claims he talked extensively with his girlfriend about the two week backpacking trip he was about to take in Europe, she didn't seem to get the message.
Below, read the highlights of the two-week chain of unanswered e-mails in which she gets angrier and angrier at his lack of response.
Friday June 1
Hey hun, me again. Tried calling your cell a few times today but it kept going right to voicemail. You're not screening me are you?;)
Sunday, June 3
Why are you not responding to my calls and emails? Where are you?! I waited all night for you to get in touch with me. I'm not happy here babe.
Tuesday June 5
Why are you avoiding me? You're not answering your cell, you won't return my texts.... JD wtf?! I know you're around! Your friend jeremy is such a bullsh***er. When he said he hadn't seen you all weekend I could hear you talking in the background
As JD checks out the old world, the poor guy gets dumped, taken back dumped again and cheated on -- all unbeknownst to him.
Tuesday, June 5
We're through... don't call me, don't text me, don't bother now. You'll never know what you lost, I was the one, and now I feel sorry for you because you'll never have that again. I feel so sorry for you, ha ha ha.
Sunday June 10
Remember that friend of mine that you were jealous of who I said that nuffin ever will happen with well I was crying with him about you and he told me how amazing I was, how he always though so and so I f*****d him to show you I'm right! Now who's the stupid one?
Tuesday June 12
I'm mad and hurt right now. I really felt something between us and now you've gone and thrown it all away and I have no idea why. . . . I know you'll call me tonight. We have a lot to discuss. A lot of bad and good. It may not change things and we may still be broken up, but you at least owe me a conversation. A chance.
Thursday June 14
I tried to reach out to you JD, I really did. But I take back all those nice things I said. I'm glad we're broken up. ... I pretended so many times to like the stupid shows you like, to watch the stupid movies you like, to enjoy spending time with your asinine friends. I've moved on.
The day before JD gets home, EM finally manages to get in touch with his mom, who informs her that he is, in fact, on vacation.
Thursday June 14
subject: OPEN FIRST!!! DO NOT READ ANY OTHER EMAILS!!!
If you love me, you will delete every email I've sent you over the past 2 weeks without reading it.
JD reads the e-mails, effectively ending their relationship.