Saturday, March 29, 2008

Sand Castles Banned on Isle of Palms?

Our country's most famous document, the constitution is so well thought of, that for more than 200 hundred years government officials have tried to build on it's importance with a "me too" mentality, by adding millions of little rules, laws and ordinances to form a more perfect community.

Under a new proposal, Isle of Palms beach combers would receive a $500 ticket for not flattening their sand castles or filling in their holes when before they leave the beach.


Above: Jason and Josh guilty of sand castle building?

Isle of Palms City Councilman Ryan Buckhannon, said the provision is part of a bigger proposal aimed at stopping "droves of tourists" from leaving items and large holes behind on the beach.

So I wonder does this apply to sea turtles as well? Ya'll know those pesky critters make holes and mounds all over the beach during the summer and leave those nasty little eggs behind.

I think councilman Buckhannon is on the right track here. Beach going has gotten out of hand, people do all kinds of crazy things at the beach and unless someone steps up to reign in these hoodlums there is no telling what might happen, I mean can nude beaches be far behind (pun intended) if we just let sand castle builders develop the beach without accountability or permits?

Let's just ban all beach activity, fine anyone who leaves behind anything on the beach. We need a seashell law that requires that you leave all shells on the beach. Regulations on the size of beach towels and for God's sake we need a law requiring everyone wear SPF 40 or better at all times.

I asked readers for input on other rules that should be considered for Isle of Palms beaches and here are the printable ones:

No tracking sand into rental condos - (this sand is expensive leave it where you found it)

No Yelling - (It scares the sea gulls and makes others think someone is drowning)

No Kite Flying - Kites can be distracting and crash into other beach goers.

No picking up Sea Shells - That is stealing.

No over weight people at the beach - It makes people want to diet which is bad for the fast food business

No skinny people at the beach - It makes people want to diet which is bad for the fast food business.

No coolers - Unless they are smaller that a six pack. Those big coolers with wheel leave unsightly tracks on the beach.

No Beach Towels larger than 2.3 feet x 6.2 feet

No Logos on Beach Towels or T-shirts

No Football Throwing

No Frisbee Tossing

No Volley Ball Playing

No wearing make-up or heels on the beach

No Sleeping on the beach

No Sex on the beach

No waving at the US Coast Guard Helicopter - If you're female it makes they come back for a second or third pass. If you're male they send the beach police to see what your problem is.

No Waking or Running Backwards on the Beach - Confuses the Sea Gulls and other people.

No Metal Detectors on the Beach

No Radios - The Sound of the Waves is noisy enough.

No undoing your bikini top.

No Speedo's

No Beach Umbrellas.

No Dogs!

Have a rule the needs to be on the list? Post a comment describing your rule and the reason for your "new" law. Next week we'll try to get councilman Buckhannon to introduce the entire list at the upcoming council meeting.


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Anonymous said...

By the way, you forgot to mention that it is already illegal to have a professional surf lesson, a professional kite board lesson, a photo taken of your family by a professional, a paid officiant to preside over your wedding and many other things. IOP is going to ban everything.

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