Last Day of June

There's something about the last of....

The last cookie, the last one standing, or last in line ...

The Last day of June is much the same, after the last day of June the sudden realization that summer is moving along a little quicker than we thought and that soon the "4th of July" will be replaced by the "last day of summer"....

Knee high by the fourth of July .... I love that phrase. Back in the day it meant the growth of the corn was satisfactory. Now days it doesn't much apply to Carolina corn fields or even the corn belt of Iowa.

Hybrid corns have been engineered to grow rapidly even on limited rainfall and many fields are head high, six feet or more and some even tasseled out long before the fireworks signal the celebration of our nation's birthday.

But you don't need to drive to the midwest to marvel at the corn rows you can read about farming at the University of Illinois Extension Office's Stu's News

Or better yet, take a drive out towards Orangeburg or head up 601 toward Columbia and you'll see what I mean, and while you're out there taking in the corn fields, take time to stop and smell summer. Make a point to breath in summer's fragrance:

The Flowers
Root Beer
Fresh Cut Grass
The Rain in the air from a Thunderstorm
Tomatoes in a Field
Peaches in a Basket
Hot Dogs and Hamburgers on the Grill
Fresh Cut Watermelon



The last day of June is here and summer's fun awaits you, hummmm I think I'll have the last of the root beer float now.

Summerville Won't Play at Texas Stadium

Summerville High School football coach John McKissick made a tough call the other day when he passed up a chance to coach at Texas stadium the home of the Dallas Cowboys.



Far from the spotlights that follow teams with names like Tigers and Gamecocks, Summerville’s coach McKissick who turns 82 on September 25th has enjoyed a career that will see his team "The Green Wave" take the field for the 57th year when football returns to the low country the fall.

Besides a storied career, (556 wins, 130 losses)he's the winningest football coach in the nation at any level, it turn’s out coach McKissick has a few connections. So when Nate Noel of Intersport asked the Summerville football team to play in the inaugural Texas High School Showcase the coach was thrilled. The event will be held Aug. 30 and Sept. 1 in at Texas stadium.

The only trouble was McKissick had already given a commitment Conway, South Carolina’s Coach Chuck Jordan to play a game that same weekend.

"We didn't want to back out after agreeing to play them. It's hard for them to come up with an opponent this late, so we'll play them in Summerville. It will be a good game. I don't have to travel across the country to find a good opponent."

It's takes a lot to be a football coach for 57 years. You give your all, and when the team wins you give the players all the credit and when they lose you're always the goat. By the way Summerville's Green Wave went 13-2 last fall, reaching the Division I-AAAA state championship, a 48-9 loss to Byrnes

A lot could be learned from Coach John McKissick, honor, integrity, wisdom, fairness and apparently his word is good enough.

Taking the field at Texas Stadium would be a career highlight few coaches would pass up even if it meant breaking a contract. But to Coach McKissick a deal is a deal and that was that.

I'd guess the "contract" was nothing more than a handshake, with maybe a follow-up phone call to say "yup, August 30th, same weekend next year? ya got it" and a penciled in note in the small square that denotes another day in a coach's life.

Yes, we could learn a lot from "Coach".

Charleston's Chief Mullen

Recently Charleston's Chief of Police outlined how he planned to crack down of hot dog grillers and beer drinkers attending the July 4th Dave Matthews concert.

In a city racked with property crime and crimes against persons at least Charleston's finest are going to arrest someone, right?

But maybe the Chief needs a little help to figure out who the perps are? How about a visual aid?

Good Guys Look Like This:



Bad Guys Look Like This:



Speaking of looks like, has anyone noticed how much Chief Mullen looks just like the over the top crazy Captain Harris from the Police Academy Movies?






Our Chief Mullen on top and G.W. Bailey as Captain Harris above or is that Captain Harris on the top?

Post Script:

A few readers pointed out that the top photo depicting DMB fans is a little unrealistic. OK so is this a little better?

George Carlin

As you may have heard, George Carlin passed away yesterday or was it mobaday. (you won't get unless you over 40)

I'm a big fan of humor and Carlin was the best at the laugh, as well as poking big brother in the ribs from time to time.

Who could forget Carlin's hippy-dippy weatherman Al Sleet. "The weather was dominated by a large Canadian low, which is not to be confused with a Mexican high. Tonight's forecast . . . dark, continued mostly dark tonight turning to widely scattered light in the morning."

Among his more controversial routines was the euphemistically entitled "Shoot," in which Carlin explored the etymology and common usage of the popular idiom for excrement. The bit was part of the comic's longer routine "Seven Words That Can Never Be Said on Television," which appeared on his third album "Class Clown," released in 1972.

"There are some words you can say part of the time. Most of the time 'ass' is all right on television," Carlin noted in his introduction to the then controversial monologue. "You can say, well, 'You've made a perfect ass of yourself tonight.' You can use ass in a religious sense, if you happen to be the redeemer riding into town on one — perfectly all right."

The seven word's routine seems bland by today's standards, but it caused such an uproar in the early seventies that the New York radio station which broadcasted Carlin was censured and fined by the FCC. And in 1978, their ruling was supported by the Supreme Court, which Time magazine reported, "upheld an FCC ban on 'offensive material during hours when children are in the audience." Carlin, refused to drop the bit and was arrested several times after reciting it on stage.

Here in it's entirety In honor of George Carlin are "The seven Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television"

CAUTION THE FOLLOWING WORDS MAY STILL OFFEND SOME PEOPLE

I love words. I thank you for hearing my words.

I want to tell you something about words that I think is important.

They're my work, they're my play, they're my passion.

Words are all we have, really. We have thoughts but thoughts are fluid. Then we assign a word to a thought and we're stuck with that word for that thought, so be careful with words. I like to think that the same words that hurt can heal, it is a matter of how you pick them.

There are some people that are not into all the words.

There are some that would have you not use certain words.

There are 400,000 words in the English language and there are 7
of them you can't say on television. What a ratio that is.
399,993 to 7. They must really be bad. They'd have to be outrageous
to be separated from a group that large. All of you over here, you 7,
Bad Words. That's what they told us they were, remember?

"That's a bad word!" No bad words, bad thoughts, bad intentions,
and words. You know the 7, don't you, that you can't say on television?

"Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, CockSucker, MotherFucker, and Tits"

Those are the heavy seven. Those are the ones that'll infect your soul, curve your spine, and keep the country from winning the war.

"Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, CockSucker, MotherFucker, and Tits"

Wow! ...and Tits doesn't even belong on the list. That is such a friendly sounding word. It sounds like a nickname, right? "Hey, Tits, come here, man. Hey Tits, meet Toots. Toots, Tits. Tits, Toots." It sounds like a snack, doesn't it? Yes, I know, it is a snack. I don't mean your sexist snack. I mean New Nabisco Tits!, and new Cheese Tits, Corn Tits, Pizza Tits, Sesame Tits, Onion Tits, Tater Tits. "Betcha Can't Eat Just One." That's true. I usually switch off.

But I mean, that word does not belong on the list. Actually none of the words belong on the list, but you can understand why some of them are there. I'm not completely insensitive to people's feelings. I can understand why some of those words got on the list, like CockSucker and MotherFucker. Those are heavyweight words. There is a lot going on there. Besides the literal translation and the emotional feeling.

I mean, they're just busy words. There's a lot of syllables to contend
with. And those Ks, those are aggressive sounds. They just jump out at you like "coCKsuCKer, motherfuCKer. coCKsuCKer, motherfuCKer."

It's like an assualt on you. We mentioned Shit earlier, and 2 of the
other 4-letter Anglo-Saxon words are Piss and Cunt, which go together of course. A little accidental humor there. The reason that Piss and Cunt are on the list is because a long time ago, there were certain ladies that said "Those are the 2 I am not going to say. I don't mind Fuck and Shit but 'P' and 'C' are out.", which led to such stupid sentences as "Okay you fuckers, I'm going to tinkle now."

And, of course, the word Fuck. I don't really, well that's more accidental humor, I don't wanna get into that now because I think it takes to long. But I do mean that. I think the word Fuck is a very important word. It is the beginning of life, yet it is a word we use to hurt one another quite often.

People much wiser than I am said, "I'd rather have my son watch a film with 2 people making love than 2 people trying to kill one another. I, of course, can agree. It is a great sentence.

I wish I knew who said it first. I agree with that but I like to take it a step further. I'd like to substitute the word Fuck for the word Kill in all of those movie cliches we grew up with. "Okay, Sheriff, we're gonna Fuck you now, but we're gonna Fuck you slow."

So maybe next year I'll have a whole fuckin' ramp on the N word.

I hope so. Those are the 7 you can never say on television, under any
circumstances. You just cannot say them ever ever ever. Not even
clinically. You cannot weave them in on the panel with Doc, and Ed,
and Johnny. I mean, it is just impossible. Forget those 7. They're out.

But there are some 2-way words, those double-meaning words.

Remember the ones you giggled at in sixth grade? "...And the cock
CROWED 3 times"

"Hey, the cock CROWED 3 times. ha ha ha ha. Hey, it's in
the bible. ha ha ha ha.

There are some 2-way words, like it is okay for Kirk Youdi to say "Roberto Clametti has 2 balls on him.", but he can't say "I think he hurt his balls on that play, Tony. Don't you? He's holding them. He must've hurt them, by God." and the other 2-way word that goes with that one is Prick. It's okay if it happens to your finger. You can prick your finger but don't finger your prick. No,no.

Carlin, was classic I don't think I agree with the "counterculture hero" label, as from my perspective he was pretty mainstream.

He loved words, especially those that didn't make real sense, like - Terminal - why would anyone want to fly if you have to go to a place called "terminal"?

Why aren't buildings called builts? They done building or you wouldn't be in them right?

My all time fav.... imagine what a chair would look like if our knees bent the other way?

OMG my brain is full of cluttered nonsense! Thank you Mr. Carlin!

Summertime

Summertime like a great aunt, whose girth blocks out the Carolina blue sky, swoops down on the Low County, her gelatin like flesh moist in perspiration, a suffocating grip that refuses to let go.

The humid air from the Gulf of Mexico has marched north like Sherman's great army and will lay against the Blue Ridge Mountains until nearly October, for the Carolina Low Country is a place where summer lasts well past necessary and on into ridiculous as if there should be a 13th month called Augtember.

Throughout the "dog days" of Summer our SUV's are left running while we quick step across pavement that can give 3rd degree burns to bare feet darting into the CVS for another can of Deep Woods Off, SPF 45 sunscreen and a cold 12 pack of Miller Lite.

In summertime's pre dawn hours there's a brief respite from the sun's relentless attack, it's the only time my Black Labrador Retriever Madison and I can go for a run. But the sun is pushing against the darkness, soon it will win out and bake the sands of Folly Beach makeing it so hot that by 3 o'clock you won't be able to walk across it without your flops.

Summer's heat can make your mind wander back to Charleston summers long since forgotten. Road side stands with peach and watermelon, boiled peanuts, fireworks and shrimp are part of my childhood, as no trip to the beach was complete without all of the above.

I don't care for boiled peanuts, but I'll take a fresh peach, and a bag full of M-80's if you don't mind, both make summer's heat a little more tolerable. For some unknown reason I have not been to a park for a "summer cook out" since the late 1980's but I remember it looking much like the photo below.



By mid day Madison has made her millionth appearance at the glass door that leads to the deck, her pink tongue hangs out a short mile or more, pleading for relief. I give in and open the door, she darts inside and collapses into a pile of blackness on the cool tile floor then slowly inches closer to the a/c vent near the sink. Her panting begins to ease as the heat outside continues to climb past 90.

My niece and nephews are off to summer camp this week. If you've been to Camp Thunderbird, you know all about mystery meat and bug juice. Ask my 12 year old niece what she likes most about camp and her answer is Boys! I ask: "What about, sailing, watersking, swimming, campfires".... and Boys! She adds.

Ah the boys of summer, speaking of baseball of course, peanuts and cracker jack and beer. Add some fireworks and it's all the better.



In the late afternoon the ocean breeze builds, bringing cooler air to the Peninsula, a breeze that fails to reach Summerville and Goose Creek, where it's the perfect time for ice cream at the Dairy Queen, trips to the pool, fishing in the late evening, and bugs. Oh my God the bugs.

Cicadas that sing from dusk into late in the evening, a chourus of frogs, crickets and whatever that big thing is....did you hear it?....there it is again!

Lighting bugs, millions of them, have you noticed? They are gone. The the other day I saw one in my yard just one, where there used to be millions. I know my brother and I caught a lot of them but...

Somewhere around 9:30 hard dark comes and humidity and temperature change places, humidity goes to 99 percent and the temperature goes to 85 degrees. The dampness is everywhere, and the air becomes heavy and thick and in this stillness wet clings to everything.

By the time July 4th comes folks in New England will also revel with delight in the warmer months with trips to the shore, while we in Charleston are heading to the beach for the 13th week in a row, or avoiding the hot sun on tree covered verandas and darting in and out of our air conditioned confines.

Pity the poor Yankees whose summer ends just after labor day, where ours will seem endless come Augtember.

With morning the process will repeat its self, the dew will burn off and the temperature will soar while the himidity drops to less than 50%. Madison will guard the yard, the courtyard driveway and then give up when the temperature moves again towards 90 and she'll make another 100 or so nose prints on the window glass.

My grandmother passed away in the death grip of winter a few years ago, fitting as she lived for her garden and the warmth of summer and today her voice echos every time I go outside, "Keep that door closed, I'm not paying to air condition summertime".

"Florida! Florida! Florida!"

The image is that of the "Meet the Press" studio, the lights are dimmed and a lone empty chair is illuminated from overhead, the voice is that of Tom Brokow:

"Our issues this Sunday." .... Tim Russert started every edition of Meet the Press with those four words .... and those were the words that he was preparing to record when he collapsed and died on Friday at these NBC studios in Washington. Now his moderator's chair is empty, his voice has been stilled.



As Tom Brokow spoke those words the television a camera closed in on the chair that Tim Russert conversed with our nation’s politicians and captains of industry, a chair that is now empty.

Death for some strikes suddenly, swiftly and without warning for others it lingers, waiting purposeful and looming. And in it’s aftermath we pause, reflect and speak volumes of words about the man, and the family, about those who have gone ahead and those who are left behind.

But when the man is someone you don’t know, but you have spent hours listening to in a one-sided conservation you have a unique situation. Do you morn the loss like that of a close friend, or simply make a mental note of his passing?

I suggest that the passing of Tim Russert is a time for neither, for it better to reflect on the news media, how it has changed our nation and how Tim Russert was a major force of that change.

Tim Russert was at the top of his craft when he passed away this past Friday. I’ve enjoyed Tim from the distance of about 15 feet for a number of years, I can’t say we were close but had I known him, I would like to think we would be good friends. He seemed to be the type of guy who would hand you a beer, ask you a question and nod politely even when you were a bit long winded.

Russert came across as warm and caring in a most disarming way, yet he was bulldog when he was on to something!

I’m not one to follow the lives of celebrities, though I think Dale Earnhart was one of the greatest, that there will never be another Michael Jordan or Tiger Woods. I’ve shaken hands with Barrack Obama and Gerald Ford and Bill Clinton, and countless others, but I don’t have an autograph collection to prove it. I don't have a wall full of photos with me and some hollywood star or civic leaders, though I have a book signed by Jimmy Buffet, and a photo of my son with Dennis Connor.

I’m not impressed with actors, or the latest group of American Idol contestants. But I’d like to go trout fishing with Tom Brokaw, ride a bike for a few miles with Lance Armstrong and have Muhammad Ali, throw a few jabs my way.

And if I had known how swiftly death would come to call I would have found a way to "meet the press" and the man who was Tim Russert.

From The Associated Press:

"Tim Russert, host of NBC's "Meet the Press" and its Washington bureau chief collapsed and died at work Friday after suffering an apparent heart attack.

Russert, of Buffalo, N.Y., took the helm of the Sunday news show in December 1991 and turned it into the most widely watched program of its type in the nation. His signature trait there was an unrelenting style of questioning, sparing none of the politicians, business giants and even sports figures who appeared on his show.

Washingtonian magazine once dubbed Russert the best journalist in town, and described "Meet the Press" as "the most interesting and important hour on television"

Tim is one of a small hand full of pundits that I really enjoyed listening to and actually believed.

He was "the press" in the most profound way, as he represented everything that the media has lost in a world now filled with annoying Nancy Grace and Bill O'Reilly clones.

All I think about is Russert's famous pronouncement it all comes down to three things "Florida! Florida! Florida!"

Tim Russert will be greatly missed come this November.

New Bike Laws Same Old Concerns

Mark Sanford signed into law new rules for the time honored bicycle auto confrontation. About 482,000 South Carolinians ride a bike at some point during each month. The number avid (read rabid) cyclists is hard to pin point but most agree the number is increasing.



Sanford a long time cyclist signed the new laws into effect providing that "taunting, harassing or throwing objects at bicyclists" would become a misdemeanor that could result in fine of at least $250 and up to 30 days in jail.

Rep. Garry Smith, a Simpsonville Republican, said the bill he co-sponsored "gives cyclists the assurance they're going to be treated equally on the road." (Garry Smith is a ding dong)

Also drivers are now prohibited from blocking bicycle lanes and would have to maintain a "safe operating distance" from riders. Violators who do great bodily injury to cyclists would face fines up to $1,000.

The bill also requires bicycle riders to use hand signals when turning, slowing or stopping unless they need the hand to control the bike. Violators would face a fine up to $25.



Photo Showing Required Hand Signals

Bicyclists can, but are not required to ride on the shoulder of the road. However, riders are required to stay in bicycle lanes when available, except when passing other bicyclists or obstructions. They are not required to use a "recreational bicycle paths" instead of the road when available.

All this is well and good, but common laws can't replace common sense.

If the Post and Courier online edition comments are any indication theres a lot of frustration with the spandex clad peddle pushers, and it seems to me the trouble with the new law is perspective:

How the average cyclist sees things on Savannah Highway:

1. I have just as much right to be here as these cars.
2. I can ride fast enough to keep up with traffic.
3. I'm in better shape than the guy in the F150 next to me.
4. I wear a helmet and reflective clothing so you can't miss me.
5. Share the road is Now the law.
6. Harass me and you'll get a fine or even jail.
7. I can use the whole lane if I need to.
8. Your SUV is causing global warming.
9. I'm in training, stay out of my way.
10.The Governor just signed new laws to protect me from all these cars.

How the average driver sees things on Savannah Highway:

1. What cyclist?



America has a love hate relationship with cyclists

Some we love:



Some we hate:



Some we have arrested:



Others we would just as soon forget:



In closing some Cyclist Humor:

Scarlett Wilson Retains Her Job

In the end it wasn't even close, after months of drama the votes came in to keep Scarlett Wilson.

Blair Jennings just couldn't mount a challenge despite Scarlett's missteps during her first several months holding the top solicitor's job.

So now it's time to move on and hope Scarlett gets her act together. Lets get behind Ms. Wilson and help her to start getting all these thugs off our streets.

Charleston deserves better than to be over run with hoodlums and gang bangers.

Ted Kennedy

The Post and Courier reporting on Senator Kennedy's recent illness and brain surgery has drawn Charleston's low life out from under the rocks which they live.

Some of the comments posted on the P&C online edition are shocking, largely out of touch and down right heartless. Here's just a sample....

"He'll probably be a little like Pat Brady after this."

"I'm sure the Kopekne family wishes him well..."

"Who cares that some stupid politician is sick."

"I hope God shows him the same mercy he showed that young lady in 1969, no more; no less."

One thing this shows is the age of many of the posters who are recalling that on July 18, 1969, Mary Jo Kopechne attended a party on Chappaquiddick Island, off the coast of Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts.

Mary Jo was one of six young women who had been vital to the late Robert Kennedy's presidential campaign and who had subsequently closed up his files and campaign office after his June 6, 1968 assassination.

Kopechne left the party at 11:15 p.m. with Kennedy after he allegedly offered to drive her to catch the last ferry back to the Katama Shores Motor Inn in Edgartown where she was staying. After taking a wrong turn Kennedy drove his car off the side of Dyke Bridge, and the car overturned into Poucha Pond, where Kennedy extricated himself from the submerged car but Kopechne died.

So it is after nearly 40 years that these narrow minded posters only remember this frighting scene....



While Senator Kennedy has served his country and the state of Massachusetts as US Senator since 1962 being elected by his countrymen 8 times, the death of Mary Jo Kopechne has haunted his life and may be the only thing that he is remembered for among small minded and uneducated Americans.

While I have never approved of his political point of view, I value the balance of power Senator Kennedy brings to our nation's capitol. In doing so I believe his value to this country has been truly irreplaceable.

The sad truth is that the type of cancer the that Senator has is a death sentence, the surgery at Duke may buy some time, but it won't be long and there will be a state funeral on national television and with it the Kennedy legacy will pass to the history books.



John, Robert and Ted Kennedy Circa 1960

Gum Trees at the Market

The Low Country is covered in Gum Trees but it's not Liquidambar styraciflua, Carolina Sweetgum that is causing an uproar.

The Charleston Post and Courier is reporting that city officials are looking to stick it to gum-chewing visitors who plaster their gnawed wads on a trio of utility poles at an entrance to the famed City Market.

Hernan Pena, the city's traffic and transportation director, said the practice is vile, destructive and unwelcome. He has asked Charleston police to keep a close eye on the poles and to ticket gum-stickers. Another possibility is installing video surveillance cameras to catch the bubble gum-smacking perpetrators on tape, he said.



Locals like Sara (above) enjoy the ever present “gum poles” as just another quriky part of Charleston. But transportation director Pena doesn’t see the humor. “We can’t give in to this,” Pena said. “Vandalism is what it is.”

Barney Fife was also reported as saying "We need to nip it! Nip it in the bud Andy or this will get out of and hand. I say NIP IT and NIP IT NOW!

Visitors to this blog might recall that city traffic director Hernan Pena is also behind the December 2007 idea of having pedestrians wave an orange flag while crossing Calhoun Street, citing that it has worked in other states.

The flags turned out to be more of distraction to drivers and not very popular with pedestrians.

Watch Charleston pedestrians run across Calhoun Street defying death and waving flags here.

Mr. Pena is shocked at how smart Charleston Pedestrians are being able to jay walk and chew gum at the same time.

Ever on the cutting edge of transportation engineering Mr. Pena is determined to stop the gum smackers and jaywalkers and now plans to introduce a new city ordinance requiring pedestrians to hulla hoop their way across Charleston's busy streets in a new effort to make pedestrians more visible to Charleston's speeding drivers.



"If it works in Vermont it will work in Charleston"