Friday, December 9, 2011

Winter in the Carolinas

Living in the Carolinas means, most winter days you need only a jacket.

Jackets different from coats in that they aren't lined and they don't cover you from the waist down. Up north they even sell lined jackets. If you have one and you are living here you should sell it on eBay.

Gloves are nice on the chilliest of days, but they are more burden than help most of the time because they make your fingers useless, they should be removed to shake hands with a stranger and as a pair they are great but like your brother in law and your sister they are destined to one day go their separate ways.

I saw a pair of mittens the other day, I was in Maine. If you own a pair of mittens and live in the Carolina's you need to sell them on eBay.

I laugh at late comers to the south who bundle up in ear muffs and ski masks when the first cold spell hits. The other day I saw my neighbor who moved to Charlotte from Ohio, she was wearing ear muffs and it was 54 degrees. I'm sure her ears were burning.

Men who wear those spandex leggins with their running shorts over the spandex look pretty dumb when the morning temps are barely below 50. Honestly they should sell those things on eBay but I doubt they would sell unless you threw in a pair of earmuffs.

Southerner's look at winter as a brief inconvenience not a season. We play golf and work in the yard on all but the coldest of days. The rare once a year snowfall is a fluke of Mother Nature and a good excuse to sit around and do nothing. Shoveling your driveway in the South is just plain dumb.

My neighbor is a Yankee and he has a snow blower. As soon as the snow began to fall last January he powered up his fancy red electric start self propelled Honda snow blower. He was out there for two hours making the most ungodly racket. I suspect one of the blades is bent.

Then there was a 3 hour break where there was nothing but the sound of softly falling snow on a wonderfully cold winter night. At 10PM he cranked it up again and it was nearly Midnight before the silence returned.

At 6 in the morning he fired that bad boy up one last time.

At 7AM I opened my garage door backed out my snow covered driveway and turned up my white frosted street. The only the tracks before me where those of the girl delivering the paper.

My neighbor and his perfectly cleared sidewalk and driveway contrasted starkly with my snow covered expanse of concrete.

In the four years he has lived next door he has never once offered to clear my driveway. I am forced to rely on God and Mother Nature. Most snow storms my driveway clears the same day. A few others it lasts a day longer.

This year as winter comes to the Carolina's I've taken matters into my own hands. I've promised his wife the proceeds of the red electric start self propelled Honda Snow blower I've listed on eBay. I've even included free shipping to any address "Up North".


Anonymous said...

Cedar, he's not a yankee, he's a DAMN yankee. Yankees come down South, stay a short time, then go back. DAMN yankees come down and stay.

Anonymous said...

Showing your ignorance and bias aren't you Anonymous 8:24 AM. I was born in SC and now live in Charlotte but have had the great pleasure of living in the Houston, Dallas and Nashville areas plus traveling to pracically every section of this country. There are great people everywhere and, as someone born in the south, personally dispise the attitude you display against people that move here. Most are great additions and bring diversity and new ideas that are sorely needed. The only thing worse that you are the losers that use the "if you don't like it leave" lines - those the real mouth breathers you can't accept they are wrong. People like you and them are why the south if viewed so negatively by many. VERY SAD.

Anonymous said...

Wow a Southener protecting a Yankee, that's a first. I remember when Hannaford opened their first store before they were bought out by Food Lion. I was standing in the deli section debating on a cold cuts when I said "I'll take a pound of Mother Goose." The woman standing next to me said, "oh you must be a Yankee." But I went to UGA so I know some still fight the war, but hey that's their problem. It's when they talk fast that I strain to undertsand their words.

Anonymous said...

I love it when Cedar goes on one of his Yannkee rants!

Another good one is his take on Yankees and Christmas.

Just search Yankee and they should all come up.

Anonymous said...

Cedar Posts is nothing but a racist teabagger redneck. You lost the war dude get over it!

Anonymous said...

Nothing generally against northerners on my part. What irks me are the ones who move here b/c the crime/schools/cost of living all suck up there and then try to recreate those same conditions here. If you moved here for a better life, enjoy it. If it was indeed better in your opinion up north (or whereever)then by all means go back!

Anonymous said...

The scumbag that lives across from me has a snowblower. And that shitheel makes one hell of a damn racket when it snows. I'll give him credit as he usually does go and do this old bag's driveway down the street too. He ain't a Yankee though, he's a Jew bastard from Florida. His (second) wife and step-daughter are pure though. Pure 100% filth - born and raised in Rock Hill.

Anonymous said...

I've met up with a lot of Yankees I like, most are nice, considerate and caring. Of Yankees I like they all have one thing in common, they are pleased to be in the South.

I never here, "That's not the way we did it back in Buffalo. The Yankee I have as friends would do anything for anyone, and would clear your driveway before their own.

Cedar I'm sorry your Yankee neighbor is a jerk. There really are good Yankee people out there.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 9:14 am. Chill out dude. My BEST friend is from Rhode Island. My little saying is just an old joke. Get over yourself and pull your panties out of your ass. And by the way..there are plenty of northerners that do come down here an tell us how everything was so much better there.