Winter in the Carolinas

Living in the Carolinas means, most winter days you need only a jacket.

Jackets different from coats in that they aren't lined and they don't cover you from the waist down. Up north they even sell lined jackets. If you have one and you are living here you should sell it on eBay.

Gloves are nice on the chilliest of days, but they are more burden than help most of the time because they make your fingers useless, they should be removed to shake hands with a stranger and as a pair they are great but like your brother in law and your sister they are destined to one day go their separate ways.

I saw a pair of mittens the other day, I was in Maine. If you own a pair of mittens and live in the Carolina's you need to sell them on eBay.

I laugh at late comers to the south who bundle up in ear muffs and ski masks when the first cold spell hits. The other day I saw my neighbor who moved to Charlotte from Ohio, she was wearing ear muffs and it was 54 degrees. I'm sure her ears were burning.

Men who wear those spandex leggins with their running shorts over the spandex look pretty dumb when the morning temps are barely below 50. Honestly they should sell those things on eBay but I doubt they would sell unless you threw in a pair of earmuffs.

Southerner's look at winter as a brief inconvenience not a season. We play golf and work in the yard on all but the coldest of days. The rare once a year snowfall is a fluke of Mother Nature and a good excuse to sit around and do nothing. Shoveling your driveway in the South is just plain dumb.

My neighbor is a Yankee and he has a snow blower. As soon as the snow began to fall last January he powered up his fancy red electric start self propelled Honda snow blower. He was out there for two hours making the most ungodly racket. I suspect one of the blades is bent.



Then there was a 3 hour break where there was nothing but the sound of softly falling snow on a wonderfully cold winter night. At 10PM he cranked it up again and it was nearly Midnight before the silence returned.

At 6 in the morning he fired that bad boy up one last time.

At 7AM I opened my garage door backed out my snow covered driveway and turned up my white frosted street. The only the tracks before me where those of the girl delivering the paper.

My neighbor and his perfectly cleared sidewalk and driveway contrasted starkly with my snow covered expanse of concrete.

In the four years he has lived next door he has never once offered to clear my driveway. I am forced to rely on God and Mother Nature. Most snow storms my driveway clears the same day. A few others it lasts a day longer.

This year as winter comes to the Carolina's I've taken matters into my own hands. I've promised his wife the proceeds of the red electric start self propelled Honda Snow blower I've listed on eBay. I've even included free shipping to any address "Up North".