Monday, October 21, 2019

Maine Dead Last In Murder

Nothing contrasts Charlotte's homicide rate more than the state of Maine.

The comparison I'm reminded about often, because I'm married to a girl whose family is from that state of pine forests and endless winters, and crime that makes the news is usually limited to someone speeding or taking a moose out of season.

Cedar In-Laws Been Putting Pumpkins on the Roof for Decades.

Maine is so far removed from our Charlotte sort of violence that the news is... well, enjoyably dull. 

I've learned a lot from Maine. Like putting pumpkins on your roof, supposedly it keeps the ghouls away. Stephen King's house in Bangor has them on the gutters during the fall. It also twarts vandelism. 

Fall is like the last gasp before the entire state settels into the long wait for spring. 

A time of year when even the Bangor Police Department PIO has a sense of humor. Truth is to live through 9 months of winter each year you've got to have a sense of humor. So here I offer up an example Bangor PD's humor:

Factual Post Alert (FPA) - not to be confused with the news alerts, updates, bulletins, and social media posts which most of us depend on to keep ourselves informed.

Maine's violent crime rate is holding steady at the bottom of the list of all 50 states. The bottom being the optimum spot - in this case. PS. Vermont is at 49th and New Hampshire is at 48th. This indicates you can come to New England to gander at foliage without much worry of being attacked for no reason.

Please, if you are from away, orange pumpkins placed in yards and porches are not a gift from the locals. We tend to decorate with the gargantuan gourds. Only pumpkins designated as "For Sale" are available for pick-up. I say that in order to maintain our suprisingly low violent crime rate. People tend to get upset when you help yourself to their pumpkins.

Keep it in mind. Additionally, if you see a pile of leaves beside the roadway, do not drive through them in order to recreate delightful childhood memories of plunging into piles of leaves (PIPOL).

Some locals have been seen hiding their larger pumpkins WITHIN the pile of leaves in order to dissuade folks from driving through the piles of leaves in order to recreate their childhood memories. Large, hidden pumpkins (sometimes other refuse such as concrete blocks have been hidden as well) wreak havoc on sheet-metal and suspension parts.

Leave the leaves alone. It takes a long time to rake a great pile and we don't take kindly to random acts of violence - even if it's focused on deceased foliage.

Factual factoids are backed up with documentation - see below - from U.S. News and World Report - a new twist in social media.

Keep your hands to yourself, leave other people's things alone, and be kind to one another. 

Enjoy your Tuesday. 

We will be here.

Bangor Maine Police Department 

October 9, 2018 at 5:59 AM 

USNEWS.COM These Are the Safest States in America How safe is your state?


SteveN said...

They're also, coincidentally, some of the more 'liberal' gun law states (don't mistake the word 'liberal'). Especially Vermont. Maine specifically does not require a permit to purchase. They DO have 'conceal' permits and is a 'shall issue' state.....but if I read the law correctly, if you are legally allowed to buy, you are legally allowed to conceal-carry. Those 3 states are also the 'whitest' states in the nation. Take that for what it's worth.

Anonymous said...

That's EXACTLY the reason that crime is non existent! No ghettos and therefore no hood rats. You don't have to be a scientist to figure out that controlled study.

Anonymous said...

Ditto New Hampshire and Vermont. And they don't like em, and the feeling is mutual. I've known a number of "brothers" a few with CMPD who took trips to Maine and said they loved the area had a great time, but added that they felt like that dude in the Get Out! Movie.

Anonymous said...

I've been to Bangor and in fact did a drive by on Stephen King's house 47 West Broadway Bangor ME google it because it really doesn't disappoint.

Anonymous said...

Excellent post Cedar now show us the Molly sex tape!